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S1 · E16
30m
1. 60 Seconds of Fame
Special Guest: Charlton Heston; Dr Willard Honeywell claims that homosexuality is caused by a virus; The Friedkin Family Singers pay a bunch of money for 60 seconds of fame; Sallie Hayes, whose husband will be executed on an upcoming show.
30m
2. Help Every Little Person
Gary Burghoff talks about his frozen yogurt stores; the treasurer of HELP (Help Every Little Person), Wanda Ford.
30m
3. George Gobel
George Gobel, Baby Irene, and textile-mill owner Calvin Proctor.
30m
4. Celebrity Night
Guests include Sally Hayes, whose husband is still awaiting execution. This episode also includes clips of a press conference in which various celebrities welcome America 2Night to the UBS network.
30m
5. Phyllis Diller
Guests include Phyllis Diller and Happy's niece, Joanie Kyne.
30m
6. White House Paper Shredder
Rita Moreno; Former White House paper shredder Pearl Wingate; and elderly actor Chad Brandon describes how he stays fit.
30m
7. A Date with a Star
A viewer wins a date with Karen Lynn Gorney ("Saturday Night Fever").
30m
8. Jason Shine
Barbara Feldon and professional escort Jason Shine.
30m
9. The Pine Family Singers
Singers Buck and Harriet Pine; former deli owner Susan Cloud.
30m
10. Vincent Price
Happy Kyne sings "Don't Leave Me This Way". Guests include Vincent Price and entrepreneur Ernest Twilley, who sells merchandise based on dead celebrities.
30m
11. Anne Murray
Guests include the Angels String Quartet, DJ Larry Guy and Anne Murray, who has trouble lip syncing.
30m
12. Lose Weight Fast
Maharishi Maheesh Majipoor demonstrates how to lose weight by chanting. Also: consumer advocate Lou Moffatt.
30m
13. Vicki Carr
Vickie Carr; Peanut trainer Emanual Kasinski; and unemployed magician Brandy McAllister.
30m
14. Pharaoh Fawcett and the Sphinx
Sherman Hemsley; Singer Pharoah Fawcett and police sergeant Norman Botello.
30m
15. Norman Fell
Guests include Abraham "Shecky" Stein, a Rabbi comedian and Norman Fell, who has a difficult time getting on the show as he has problems with the parking lot attendant.
30mPlaying
16. The Condensed Bible
Jim Nabors; Irene Huddleston on the condensed form of the Bible.
30m
17. Cindy Williams
Gary Coleman (as Little Wayne Coleman); Cindy Williams; UBS programming executive Bill Nickerson.
30m
18. The Singing Dentist
Jill St. John visits the dentist with a troubled wisdom tooth. The dentist and his assistant perform a song on the show.
30m
19. New Talent
Gary Coleman (Wayne Coleman) and Corey Feldman premiere a talk show for kids scheduled to air on the UBS network.
30m
20. Abe Vigoda
Abe Vigoda tap dances. Stanley Turnbull (Richard Kline) talks about his book "Winning Through Acting Crazy."
30m
21. Miss City of Merchandise
Elke Sommer; the three semi-finalists in the City of Merchandise pageant.
30m
22. Urban Poverty Consultant
Rob Reiner; Urban Poverty Consultant Richard Osgood.
30m
23. Fighting Fright
Peter Marshall; David Fairchild tells how to fight fright.
30m
24. The Benefits of Sugar
It is all natural and cancer-free! Guests include Gaylord and Holiday, Dr. Wendell Dellerton and Twiggy.
30m
25. Gaylord and Holiday
Guests include Gaylord and Holiday, Marshall Petty and Jack Jones.
30m
26. Russia
Russia expert Arthur Zaprinski and actress Suzanne Sellers.
30m
27. Tony Rolletti
Alice Ghostly; lounge singer Tony Rolletti.
30m
28. Mission Army Band
Guests include The Mission Army Band, and Gardener Toshiro Asaki.
30m
29. Roger Miller
Guests include the Hennessy Family, Roger Miller and Mario Dorsett.
30m
30. Susan Cloud
Guests include Jay Longtoe Ballet, Susan Cloud and Arte Johnson.
30m
31. Carol Burnett
Guests include the Haus Family Criminal Singers and Carol Burnett.
30m
32. Legalizing Prostitution
Guest include Mark Hammill and Judge Marshall O. Petty, who proposes legalized prostitution.
30m
33. Ernest Twilley
Guest include Mortician Ernest Twilley and actress Gloria Chambers.
30m
34. Rolletti-Sherwood Wedding (1)
From the Pump Room of the Coma Cabana: the wedding of Tony Rolletti and Joanie Sherwood, presided over by Rabbi "Shecky" Stein.
30m
35. Rolleti-Sherwood Wedding Reception (2)
Part 2 of the Tony Roletti - Joanie Sherwood wedding.
30m
36. McLean Stevenson
Guests include Vera LeBeau and McLean Stevenson.
30m
37. Jean's House of Cakes
Guests include Anthropologist Carl Cyrus; martial artist Susan Walchuck, who shows off her moves; singer Edward Muldune, who performs "Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog" ... at the same time; and later Jerry does a commercial for America 2-Night's newest sponsor, Jean's House of Cakes.
30m
38. The New PTA
Barth talks about his housing situation; Deaf comic Ronnie Martin and his alligator; Morey Johnson, an adoptee, who traced his missing parents; and former flower child Kona Golden, who is now a mother on the new PTA.
30m
39. The El Tijo Ballet Co.
Barth talks about his new home; The El Tijo Half-toe Ballet Company ("... because we don't go all the way") presents the "Dance of the Belle Femme Suburbia"; W. D. Bud Prize presents Edith Bush, claiming that she's really Amelia Earhart. Then he talks about the San Andreas fault only to be interrupted by a UBS bulletin: Radioactivity Warning.
30m
40. UBS Liftetime Achievement Award
Japanese country and western artist Jimmy Yen; UBS presents its first Lifetime Achievement Award to Barbi Benton; Consumer advocate Lou Moffatt introduces Bible Gum Cards.
30m
41. I Am Democracy
Barth talks about helping a man find his car keys; Jerry and Happy present their mini-pageant "I Am Democracy"; Disc jockey Tom "Cat Love Man" Wilson; and Billy Crystal makes some phone calls.
30m
42. Fernwood Reunion
Barth talks about his move from Fernwood to California and introduces the Fernwoodites who financed the move: Candy Lee Hargrove, Connie Bushman, Mercedes Blywyth and Vernon Taylor. Candy Lee talks about the Fernwood Fascinating Females Society. Vernon Taylor talks about the ammo convention. Connie Bushman reunites Happy with his pet turtle. Mercedes Blywyth talks about the Barth Gimble Fan Club.
30m
43. Surfin' to Heaven
Denny and Brian, the Born Again surfers sing "Surfin' to Heaven". Dr. Joyce Brothers tries to reconcile roommates Happy and Jerry.
30m
44. Ted Jennings
Guests include Bella Abzug and concerned citizen Ted Jennings.
30m
45. Melissa Manchester
Guests include Mirth Gimble and Melissa Manchester.
30m
46. Carl Reiner
Guests include Carl Reiner and the owner of Jean's House of Pancakes.
30m
47. Daredevil Virgil Simms
Guest include Robert Conrad and Daredevil Virgil Simms.
30m
48. Punk Monks
The Punk Monks perform "Karmic Love". Happy talks about his new innovation: dental house calls. Barth "lip syncs" to the Martin Mull song "I'll Do the Samba".
30m
49. Barth's Memoirs
Barth decides to issue his memoirs: "Barth Gimble -- One Man: One Life"; The El Tijo Half-toe Ballet Company present "The Ballad of the Broken Station Wagon"; Dr. Richard Osgood talks about the black market for organs and his "Whole Body Parts Catalog""; UBS promo: "Say What?" and Barth talks about his altercation with the owner of the gas station.
30m
50. Rolletti-Sherwood Divorce
Tony Rolletti follows up his on-air wedding on A2N with his on-air divorce. Rabbi "Shecky" Stein officiates.
30m
51. Falafel-on-a-stick
Baby Irene sings "Hot Diggity"; Susan Cloud talks about Falafel-on-a-stick; UBS owner D.W. Underwitter on why UBS is standing beside A2N.
30m
52. Punk Country
Jerry and Happy appear in a commercial that Barth turned down, for the Yam Council; Virgil Simms talks about his new girlfriend and the Mobile City; a clip from the David John Decker Show and Virgil sings a Punk Country tune.
30m
53. Olfactory Distosis Telethon
Happy talks about OD and sings a take-off on "Jeepers, Creepers". Teacher Terry Litchfield talks about the telethon tote board. Jack Albertson makes an appearance, but won't contribute himself. The OD poster boy, Howard Pellegrini appears and the telethon ends with no calls. Jack Albertson needs cab fare. Jason Shine talks about his candidacy. Jack Albertson does a soft shoe number.
30m
54. Oral Smoke Alarm
The band has been locked out for attempts to unionize, so Happy is the whole band. Barth and Jerry interview Barbara Eden and Melissa Gilbert -- at the same time. Happy talks about the Oral Smoke Alarm. Chuck Emmitt Saugis appears with his hostage Mary Marie Clark. Barbara Eden sings.
30m
55. Hostage Crisis
Barth explains that his appearance is due to being part of "an all-night pajama party with guns" -- Chuck Emmitt Saugis is still waiting on his demands. Louden Wainright III sings. Chuck Emmitt continues negotiations. Dr. Arnold Shollien plays some surprisingly recognizable ""whalesongs"". More demands. Special appearance by "Raquel Welch" -- really a cop.
30m
56. Monty Hale
Child singer Frankie Wonder sings "My Way". Cowboy Monte Hale, host of the the UBS Cowboy Movie, appears. From "Laverne and Shirley" -- David L. Lander and Michael McKean are iterviewed. Someone sings "Blue Suede Shoes". Michael and David sing "The Creature Without a Head".
30m
57. Big Turkey and Super Quack
Barth talks about the mobile home warming gifts he received. From the Silly Barn -- Big Turkey and Super Quack appear. Herb Matthews reveals new Carter White House incidents. Joan Rivers plugs "Rabbit Test". There's a commercial for Jean's House of Cakes: the Second Wedding Cake.
30m
58. Steve Garvey
Barth and Jerry do some substitute hosting. Tony Rolletti presents his version of "America the Beautiful" and does a tribute to Judy Garland. Steve Garvey hurts himself playing baseball.
30m
59. Karen Black
Barth talks about liquor advertising. The Mirth-Makers perform "Steam-roller Blues". Barth accosts Karen Black in the audience and Karen interviews herself. Barth, Jerry and Karen sing "Sentimental Journey". Bud Prize appears with Edith Bush and introduces his dancing teacher, Miss Brenda.
30m
60. The UBS Story
Barth tells the UBS Story. The Hon. Marshall O. Petty kicks off his Congressional campaign. Shari Lewis searches for a missing Lamb Chop. Virgil Simms talks about his World Record -- and the accident. Virgil then sings "I'm Swearin' Offa You (You Hag)". Jerry tries his hand at ventriloquism, with a very familiar puppet.
30m
61. UBS Awards Ceremony
The UBS Golden Anniversary Show.
30m
62. Connie Stevens
Barth talks about his tan. Happy Kyne and the Mirth-Makers sing "Good Vibrations". Sociologist Wendell Healey discusses surfing. Connie Stevens talks about her contract but does a number for the UBS special anyway: a lip-synch to "Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb".
30m
63. Taters the Clown
Barth talks about his new talk show ideas. Taters the Clown sings "The Counting Song". Father John Lewis of the Mission San Tijo appears . There's a commercial for MST wine.
30m
64. Man of the Year Award
Martin Mull grouses about the Alta Coma Chamber of Commerce "Man of the Year" award. Wayne Coleman of "America After Lunch" returns to interview Isabel Sanford.
30m
65. Martin Mull
Barth has "bad" news -- Jerry is fired. Fred Willard talks about his resemblance to Jerry Hubbard. Martin refuses to sing without Jerry present. Jerry shows up, so Martin sings "Goodnight".
