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S1 · E1
30mPlaying
1. Pilot
On the day of her wedding to stuffy socialite Howard, Allison is reunited with her childhood sweetheart, Eamon, after she locks herself in her bathroom. Eamon's new job as the building superintendent is quite a reach from his former career in professional hockey. Since Allison is already suffering from pre-wedding jitters, the fact that she and Eamon wind up having sex in the shower doesn't help matters -- or Nicholas' weak heart. Though Nicholas will do anything to get rid of Eamon as he wants to see his daughter marry money, Effie wants her to find love and eventually leads Allison and Eamon to get Howard out of the picture before it's too late.
30m
2. When WASPs Collide
Effie and Nicholas try to hide their embarrassment at what Allison has done. Allison, afraid of her parents' reactions, tries to hide Eamon from them, in hopes that they'll pretend nothing has happened. But after Allison witnesses Eamon and Finn have a brutal argument, it inspires her to persuade her family to be more open with each other. Unfortunately, the Conklins' past inability to deal honestly with problems brings years of pent-up hatred bubbling to the surface -- to the point where even Allison wonders if this is what she wants.
30m
3. The Music Box
To Nicholas' dismay, Effie invites Finn up to their place for cocktails in an effort to get to know her daughter's boyfriend's father better. It's an evening that's uncomfortable for everybody. In reciprocation, Finn then invites the Conklins down to his place for drinks, which Nicholas grudgingly agrees to. Effie begs Nicholas to try to give Finn a chance, but her words fall on deaf ears after Nicholas discovers his long-lost music box amidst Finn's collection of junk. Nicholas accuses Finn of stealing it, and, despite Effie's protests, the two are soon at war.
30m
4. Howard's End (a.k.a. Babe in the City)
Nicholas schemes to bring Allison and Howard back together, and he receives help from an unlikely place -- Allison -- after Eamon has a fight with her in regards to an expensive big screen TV she gave to Finn for his birthday. Feeling financially inadequate, Eamon takes the TV back to the store -- which of course ticks off Finn. Now that Howard's put his life back together courtesy his therapist, Allison makes up with him. In the platonic sense. Nicholas twists the truth around to Howard by saying that Allison still wants him and he should make a move on her. Meanwhile, Eamon tries to deliver an apology to Allison while she's in the middle of the fateful meeting, but Nicholas intercepts it. Effie finds out what Nicholas did, and threatens to make his life miserable if he doesn't fix things. So Nicholas puts together a romantic dinner for Allison and Eamon atop the roof in hopes they'll make up then - only to have Howard drop in on it to carry out Nicholas' former plan. In the end, Fin
30m
5. A Night at the Opera
Effie takes Finn with her to the opera after her escort, Jerry, cancels. At the opera, she runs into her gossipy ""best friend,"" Kiki Farrington -- who is with Jerry. Finn foolishly blabs to a gossip columnist, leading to a tabloid story that the Conklins' marriage is on the rocks. Effie worries what Nicholas will think when he reads it, but when he just laughs the entire thing off, Effie fears he doesn't care about her anymore. Meanwhile, Allison is stunned when Eamon mentions marrying her in the future.
30m
6. The Five Week Itch
After Allison's attempt at a cultural date bores Eamon to death, Nicholas reasserts his belief that Eamon is nothing more than her rebound guy. Allison furiously tries to prove her father wrong, but when she follows Puff's advice and plans a romantic evening with Eamon that he tries to back out of, Allison starts to wonder if Nicholas is right. Realizing he's hurt Allison's feelings, Eamon, meanwhile, seeks advice from Finn on how to make it up to her. After Nicholas talks about how he wishes Allison would get back together with Howard, Effie accidentally slips up that it was she who led Allison to jilt her ex-fiancé -- which, of course, infuriates Nicholas. Since Effie is equally infuriated by the way Nicholas treats Eamon, the two end up making a pact where she promises to stop meddling if he promises to stop criticizing Eamon.
30m
7. Make Doom for Daddy
After Nicholas collapses, his doctor, Fielding, says it wasn't a fainting spell, but a stress episode. To find out what's causing it, Dr. Fielding hooks Nicholas up to a stress meter. The meter doesn't go off once during Nicholas' hectic day at work, but it beeps off the hook once Nicholas gets home. Fielding's studies conclude that the bulk of the stress is being caused by a combination of Eamon and Nicky. Worrying that a heart attack is next, Nicholas tries to cure his problem by spending time with Eamon and Nicky to get to know them better and, hopefully, find something to like about them. Easier said than done...
30m
8. The Stepmummy
Effie's abusive socialite stepmother, Beverly, visits the Conklins. Though the rest of the family wants nothing to do with Beverly, Effie sucks up because she's hoping to inherit one of her many homes when the old bird kicks the bucket. But Beverly brings an abrupt halt to that dream when she announces that she's already left it to someone else -- her cats. So Effie throws her out. But when she discovers through Finn that Beverly is destitute and staying in a dumpy hotel in McBride-like poverty, Effie puts aside her greed and family differences, and tries to give her stepmummy a helping hand. Meanwhile, Nicholas takes Nicky to his old London tailor to buy him a suit, and, if all goes well, share some father/son time the way he and his father used to. There's just one problem: Nicky doesn't want to share some father/son time.
30m
9. Career Daze
Allison plans a career day for her kindergarten class, and Nicholas, Finn and Eamon agree to go to tell the kids what they do for a living. The children are fascinated by Finn's and Eamon's careers, but don't understand what it is Nicholas does -- nor do they understand Nicholas, for that matter. Eamon shocks Allison when he tells the class that he dropped out of high school to pursue his chance at hockey. While attempting to study for his GED as a present to Allison, so she'll stop being ashamed of him, Eamon fears it's no use, as he'll never be smart and she'll always think he's too stupid for her. Nicholas, meanwhile, takes the class' comments to heart -- and stays home from work to spend time with his family, find himself, and be less like his dead father.
30m
10. Puff the Magic Sister
Finn delivers news that a mysterious young man has been breaking into all the apartments and stealing chachkas. Though all signs point to it, Nicholas and Effie don't think for a minute that it might be Nicky -- until Kiki Farrington visits to spell it out for them. When Nicholas and Effie talk to Nicky about Kiki's visit, Nicky can only mention her ""perfect"" son, Larry, whom he claims is deranged. Nicholas and Effie take a more active approach to parenting, and set out to find whether or not their son is the culprit. Meanwhile, Allison is hurt when Eamon doesn't want her hanging out with him and his friends at his favorite pub, Molly's, as he feels she won't have fun. After a talk with Puff, who convinces her that any relationship that's gone this long without such an introduction is doomed, Allison decides the time has come to meet his friends. But even with Puff along for the ride, Allison finds herself out of her element, much like Eamon warned her she'd be.
30m
11. Diagnosis: Effie
A new couple, Emma and Hugh Lanston, move into the building. Nicholas doesn't want to know them, but Effie forces him to. It turns out they're English, whom Effie is so infatuated with that she invites them for dinner. Although all the Lanstons do at dinner is argue, Effie -- who's started talking like an Englishman herself -- wants to be friends. Until she drops by their apartment and hears them having a violent fight, after which Emma mysteriously disappears. Making like Mark Sloan, Effie puts on her detective's hat, and sets about to crack the case of the missing British housewife. With the investigation barely afoot, Emma reappears with a big trunk -- and now Hugh is gone. Effie confronts Emma in hopes of getting a confession out of her, but Emma breaks down in tears, saying that she's going back to England because Hugh left her. Her story doesn't quite hold up when the apartment's new resident tells everybody that the only part of Hugh that left Emma is his head -- which now resid
30m
12. Guess Who's Paying for Dinner?
When Allison tells Eamon that the reason her father doesn't like him is because Nicholas is the alpha dog and Eamon is the new dog invading the alpha dog's space, Eamon decides to invite Nicholas and Effie out to dinner hoping they'll see what it's like on the new dog's turf -- which promises to be a real dog for all. Nicholas and Effie are none too thrilled that their transportation for the evening will be the subway, nor that Eamon is taking them out to a Chinese restaurant. The restaurant's owner, Mr. Chiu, knows Nicholas as the guy who owns the building he lives in -- where his rent was just jacked up -- and punishes Mr. Conklin by serving him some mystery meat. And Effie develops a reaction to the food that causes her face to puff up like a blowfish. Meanwhile, Finn begins dating Gloria, a woman he met at Molly's, but Eamon doesn't like her or her nervous laugh that causes her to punctuate every sentence with a chuckle, and especially doesn't like when Finn takes it upon himself t
30m
13. Everybody Doesn't Love Eamon (a.k.a. Slapshot)
At Molly's, Eamon runs into an old rival of his, Stupak, who has mocked him ever since he screwed up royally on the hockey field. Allison attempts to patch things up between them, but only manages to exacerbate the situation after Stupak tricks her into wishing Eamon a happy April 17th -- the day he screwed up royally on the hockey field. When Eamon soon begins having Stupak hallucinations, Allison suggests seeing a therapist to get over him. But Eamon has something else in mind -- hunting down Stupak at his job and beating the crap out of him. Meanwhile, after Effie reads an article about Nicholas in Business Week that barely mentions her existence, she decides to go back to college to prove her worth -- and maybe tick off Nicholas in the process. So Effie enrolls in feminist theory classes, and invites her man-hating classmates over for a study session.
